86 and the Rules of Drinking

I came across the 86 Rules of Boozing the other day and thought you'd get a kick out of them. Quite a few had me chuckling and a few others had me reliving some bar moments I would rather have forgotten, lol! (P.S. #65 is my favorite!)  I've posted a few of my favorites below.

The title and number of rules is probably inspired by the term 86 which means to eject and bar from entry for violating a drinking establishment's rules and/or bad behavior. The origins of the term most likely come from an infamous speakeasy at 86 Bedford Street in Greenwich Village called Chumlee which had no address on the door and several secret exits. When the police showed up to raid the speakeasy guests were known to "86 it" or get the hell out before they got arrested.

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an over sized brandy snifter.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.

86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.


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